It Was All That Pam's Fault
by missdee1986
Summary: Just a quick one-shot set after season 4. Eric/Sookie fun. Pam thinks Sookie should cheer up. Lafayette and whiskey fun ensues. Please R R


**Just a** **little one-shot that wouldn't get out of my head as I was trying to write something else. I thought i'd post just to see what you guys think. It was written rather fast so please forgive if it's a bit rubbish x**

Sookie Stackhouse was drunk. Not just pleasantly tipsy - she was rip roaring, off-her-pretty-little-face DRUNK. Smashed, Hammered. Pissed. Wasted. All of the above and then some.

As she staggered across the parking lot of Eric's club, she wondered if or not she should be very mad at herself in the morning. After all, she had resigned from her job at Merlotte's, only to storm straight back into the above mentioned establishment to demand that Sam give her her job back. "And just who the hell do you think you are firing me anyhow?" she haughtily asked him, hands on hips. As he'd stared at her helplessly. The regulars had tittered in the background. Then she and Lafayette had stormed out of their and strutted their fine stuff down in Shreveport at Fangtasia.

They had shimmied and shaked on the dancefloor. While downing a sparkly little hangover cure that Pam had very kindly ordered for her. Said hangover cure tasted delightfully like vodka and to show her appreciation to the gorgeous vampire lady who had presented it to her, Sookie felt it only right that she climb up onto the bar and devote a poem to the curer of the evils of morning after pains. Ode to Pam, it was called! And it must have been good, as several vampires in the bar at the time simply had to excuse themselves, their shoulders shaking and their eyes brimming over with red tears. A few were even doubled over as they attempted to make their way out - clearly overcome with emotion as they avoided the glaring eyes of one Eric Northman.

Sookie suspected that he was merely jealous of her unprompted speech of devotion to his child - who seemed to be shaking, with her hands hiding her face. Why, she would have made an ode to the Viking if only he'd been the one to grace her with the miracle cure for hangovers. And not used her so horribly for hot steamy sex whenever he felt like it. As she so rightly whispered to him across the room. _Shouting? Who's shouting?_

This appeared to be too much for the Viking as he'd marched across the club and thrown her over his shoulder. As he walked back to his office, Sookie had pounded his back, insisting that he put her down, "Right this instant Eric Northman!" Until she caught sight of his best feature that is - "Oooooh..." was all she'd managed as she watched his butt cheeks move underneath his trousers.

Eric had rudely interrupted her oogling by dumping her on his leather couch. "Hey!" she wailed at him. "I was looking at that. Turn around!" He'd ignored her and rolled his eyes. _Bastard. _Well, if he wanted to play it like that... fine! She'd just go back to Bon Temps and find someone else's ass to look at. And she told him so before getting up and marching out of there.

Now, as she half-stumbled across the lot, she realised that she'd forgotten to pick Lafayette up while making her grand exit. _Well, damn. I WILL be mad at myself in the morning. _Sookie whirled around and came face to face with a very angry looking Viking.

"Lover, what exactly have you been taking tonight?"

"That is none of your business, Eric." she told him in a no-nonsense kind of tone, only slightly ruined by the large hiccup that escaped at the same time. "I am a grown woman and I don't need your permission to have a little drink."

"A little drink? You look and smell like you've consumed an entire brewery." he informed her.

Sookie glared at him. "I do not!"

Eric smirked at her. "I am afraid you do, lover. Come on, I'll drive you home and you can sober up." he said. Unfortunately, he'd chosen that moment to turn around, giving her another look at his ass.

"Eric..."

He turned to face her again, "Yes Sookie?"

She gave him a sexy smile. She thought anyway. "Have you ever *hic* done it in a parking lot?"

_6 hours earlier... _

Sookie sighed heavily as she undid her apron. Another long day shift at the bar was over and she could finally go home. To an empty house.

Jason was off doing goodness knows what. She wasn't sure that she would want to know what he was up to even if there was a chance to. Rumours were flying around the bar about him and vamp-baby Jessica. His best friend's girl. Sookie wasn't quite ready to know if her brother could really be that tacky.

Tara - her suddenly lesbian best friend - was busy trying to track down the girlfriend she had dumped just before all hell had broken loose in Bon Temps. Again. Tara had been through so much pain and torment, well, most of her life really. Sookie doubted that a night out would have done much to cheer her friend up.

She thought briefly about asking Sam if he felt like food and a movie or something. The idea dissolved almost as soon as it had formed, what with his new girl and all. Things had been awkward between Sam and her for so long. Now, with him finding love she hoped that they could finally get back to being friends.

Lafayette was probably still at his own place. He had stayed with Sookie and Tara for a few days but insisted on going home to be by himself. Not the healthiest way to heal from his loss, but anything had to be better than hiding out in Jason's old room talking to himself.

As she drove up to her house, a picture of Bill entered her mind and she pushed it away. She was NOT going to be thinking about either of her vampire exes tonight! They seemed to have other ideas though. A flash of pink on the porch caught her eye and she glared at it as she killed the engine.

"Pam, what the hell are you doing here?"

Eric's child smirked. "Wonderful to see you too, Sookie dear." The smirk grew more pronounced as Sookie rolled her eyes and walked past to open the door. "Whatever happened to your old southern manners?"

Sookie sighed and shooed the vampire inside. "Fine, fine. Sorry Pam but I'm not really in the mood for any more vampire business right now. Ya'll been surviving for thousands of years without one lil barmaid ya know!"

"Ah, but without anything quite so pretty to look at." Pam leered. "I hear your friend Tamara-" "It's Tara." "-Whatever. I hear she has learned to appreciate a womans touch... Perhaps it would do you some good as well."

Sighing again, "Not a chance Pam. Now, why are you here? Does Mr High and Mighty need somebody's mind read?"

Pam chuckled, "Not as such. He sent me here to ensure that you were alright." Sookie's skeptical brow made her laugh outright. "I assure you I am serious. Apparently your sadness and boredom are starting to get to him.. He will bond with a _human_." Now she gave a sigh of her own. "He was planning on coming himself so you should be thankful that I managed to convince him that girl troubles are best sorted out amongst us girls."

"So, what, you're here to _cheer me up_?." Sookie was incredulous. "Are we gonna throw on our PJ's and a couple of face masks and rent Mamma Mia on dvd..." she trailed off as that was starting to sound like a not-too-bad idea.

Pam, for her part, looked as incredulous as Sookie did at the very idea. "I know it's difficult with you being a human and all. but do try not to be stupid Sookie." She waved off an angry retort by said human and continued, "I am simply here to make sure you are alright and to tell you to cheer the fuck up. You are _alive _after all. Thanks in no small part to us. And you should consider yourself fortunate and stop putting my master in an even worse mood than you did when you dumped his ass -"

Anger made her silent. Sookie glared at her vampire intruder. It wasn't like she had _wanted _to dump Eric. She had loved him in a way she had never loved anyone, not even Bill. She had protected him, looked after him. Hell even guided him. But feelings she thought buried had pushed to the surface for Bill and she didn't think it was fair to be with one whilst loving the other. Besides, the few times Sookie had seen Eric since then he hadn't seemed too miserable. And yeah, sure she had accidently had sex with him more than once since that hearbreaking night... But she was a woman! And she loved him! And he had shown up at her door wearing that damn black wife-beater that showed off all his muscles and seeing as he had come all the way from Shreveport just to hand-deliver the deeds of her house back to her it would have been downright rude of her not to invite him in for a TruBlood. Of course that didn't mean she should have spent the night making love with him but still... She was a hormonal human woman and her self-control only stretched so far. It was all that damn wife-beaters fault!

Pam was watching different emotions flicker across Sookie's face with an amused smile. "I suggest you find a way to make yourself feel better. Unless you would _enjoy _another visit from Eric..." She left her sarcasm ringing in the air as she vamp-sped from the house, leaving the door hanging open behind her. _Damn vampires. _

Slamming the door shut, Sookie felt like crying. She missed Eric. She missed Bill. She missed her friends and her brother. Another night with only her old afghan and the tv remote loomed in front of her. 'Screw this,' she thought. And went to get the phone.

An hour later she was on her way to Lafayette's. He was still convinced he could see and speak to Jesus, but least he was happy.

"Yo bitch, how's it hangin'? You want yo sweet self some whiskey?" Was his greeting.

Sookie shrugged and smiled. "Sure. What's the worst that could happen?"

_6 hours later..._

Eric tucked Sookie gently into bed. His usually frozen face relaxed into a smile as she started to snore gently. He missed her and her home with an ache that he had never known in all his thousand years of life and experience. This little, drunken woman next to him held so much more power than she would ever understand. But still... He _was_ Eric Northman. And she _had _dumped him. So he felt zero guilt at what he was about to do.

_The next morning..._

Sookie awoke with a start. She sat up and immediately collapsed against her pillow groaning. Her head felt as though someone had cracked it open with a hammer. Her eyes swam in and out of focus for a full twenty minutes before she spotted the letter and phone that was not hers on her pillow. Reaching for it slowly, in case her arm fell off, which she felt was a very real possibility at the time, she frowned. 'That's Eric's handwriting... Did I speak to him last night?' She wasn't wondering for long.

_Lover,_

_I did enjoy your impromtu visit to Fangtasia last night. As did ALL of my customers and people... You really are quite the public speaker. Do remind me to book you the next time I am entertaining. I enclose a video reminder that Pam was kind enough to have someone record you with. Do come back soon. _

_PS. No, I have not "Done It" in a parking lot. Yet. _

_Eric._

Sookie felt a wave of dread build in her as she lifted the phone. Sure enough there was a video filling the screen, waiting to be played. As the sound of her own voice talking about the wonderful Pam filled her ears, memories of the night before came flooding back to her and she buried her face in her pillow with a humiliated groan.

It was all that damn Pam's fault.


End file.
